Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
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She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Of course I have a pirate flag
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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