Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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