Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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