omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
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If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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