i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Let's get the cat blown out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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