the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
