capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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