Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
