Im at strip club and am horny
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
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And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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