I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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