My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize