God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
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The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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