member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
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The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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