My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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