I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
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I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
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I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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