I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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