Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
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I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dear god my vagina.
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