i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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