bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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