from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
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The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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