Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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