well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
40s are totally the cure
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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