I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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