you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
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I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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