I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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