I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
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he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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