When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
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IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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