A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
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