yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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