No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
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Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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