My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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