drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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