I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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