God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize