he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Acid is not a monday night drug
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
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His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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