i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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