He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
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i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
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I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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