our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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