i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize