I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
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You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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