Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize