you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
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they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
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Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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