I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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