Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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