i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize