He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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