Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
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First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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