You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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