I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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