Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
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I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
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I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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